“Where did feelings go when they disappeared? Did they leave a chemical trace somewhere in our minds, so that if we could look inside ourselves we would see via the patterns of neurons some of the important things that had happened to us in our lifetimes?” ~ Evelyn Lau, Inside Out: Reflections On a Life So Far
So, here I am. Back again. It is now 2019. I cannot believe that the last time I was here was in 2017.
Much has changed since the last time I wrote.
For one, I am significantly older. In many ways. Physically, emotionally, mentally. 2018 was the year of growing up. I left a great job in the early part of last year, and went on to an even better job. The new job is challenging and has brought me to what I thought were my limits, but I have been able to shatter previous ceilings and reach for higher elevations. It has been an exhausting but rewarding ride, and I have graduated to the next level of my career.
Last year was also the first time that I noticed the middle-aged pouch developing around my midsection despite my attempts at healthy eating and moderate exercise. I had to step up my game, and so I decided to join a gym in October. This week will be my third month, and I am proud to say that I have been able to workout at least three times a week. So far, I have not lost any weight, but I feel better and my clothes fit nicely. My posture has also improved, and the increased circulation seems to have brightened my complexion.
Mentally and emotionally, I have made significant strides. I am less depressed and I feel more positive in general. I have been battling bouts of depression my entire life, and I am sure that I will have those down cycles again, but for the moment, I am grateful that I am feeling good, and without any chemical help, thank you very much. Consistent exercise and eating well have been effective at healing my mood swings, and I will do my best to stay on track.
For those of you who have been following me from the very beginning, my daughter, G, is turning twelve in March. Remember how I used to call her Baby G? Well, she is now Tweeny G. She is almost as tall as I am. She is spunky, smart and quick-witted, and unfortunately for me, good with the clapbacks. There have been moments when I have pictured strangling her for how she talks back to me, but deep down I am proud that she is a person who will not accept BS or abuse from anyone.
I promise that I will do better in coming back here as often as possible. Please let me know if you are still around. I hope to reconnect with all of you. Cheers!