“Water that never moves.” I say to him. “It’s fine for a little while. You can drink from it and it’ll sustain you. But if it sits too long it goes bad. It grows stale. It becomes toxic.” I shake my head. “I need waves. I need waterfalls. I want rushing currents.” ~ Tahereh Mafi, Ignite Me

Water that has been left out for too long becomes foul and stale.  Similarly, people who are stagnant do not expand their horizons and can become bitter and depressed.

Such is the case for me.  The last holiday trip I took was in November of 2014 when G and I went to Costa Rica.  We are now well into 2016, and I have yet to even plan some kind of meaningful vacation.

The main issues are time and money, as it is for a lot of people. Although 2015 was a much better year financially than the prior year, I am still struggling to recover from when I lost my job at the end of 2014.  The last few months I have been juggling one full time job, and two side consulting gigs, and so time has been limited.  As for the money, there just never seems to be enough, no matter how much I work.  I always wonder how other people seem to live normally, while I work 60+ hours a week and still struggle to make every end meet.

I am on auto-pilot, and there hasn’t been much room for detour.  A typical day:  Wake up, shower, rush to drop off G at school to make the train, get to the office, work all day, rush back home in the evening to pick up G from school, spend time with G, make dinner, prepare meals for the next day, shower, go to bed, lather, rinse and repeat.

I am tired and depressed and desperately need to be thrown off this current ride.

09.02.2016 | Washington Square Park

3 thoughts on “Auto-Pilot

  1. I feel the exact same way. There isn't enough time, money or energy. I can barely keep my head above water some days. I need to get away badly. Work travel is still work. I just want to hide under a blanket and wake up on an island somewhere. Hope your vacation comes early, Sister. Love you.

  2. Whilst I'm not a single parent so I can't relate on that level, I am a working parent so can understand time and child and life and job and self pressures all to well. Time and money are the bane of modern world but that doesn't mean we have an easy fix. For money, sorry I can't help but hope something good comes your way to lighten the load. As for time, that one I can offer some thoughts.Your typical day is tight and there seems to be little room for adjustment but how about once or twice a week G helps you in the kitchen making dinner and lunches. It may be chaotic at first watching knife skills (I can recommend a basic butter knife for most veg, or just ripping them up), but you end up with G time, meals and lunches done by G's bedtime, leaving the evening to yourself. Get some music on, dance and sing and play (safely). It gets good time together, food prepped (you have to accept wonky veggies but you can smile about those when people ask) and G learns some good skills. You may already do this kind of stuff but I wanted to send out a helping hand anyway. All the best with everything x

  3. Stagnation is a very real fear at this time of our lives, especially when we're burning e candle at both ends just to make ends meet. When I felt so trapped last year, I began to take tiny pockets of reward during each day – a cup of tea and a biscuit while I was doing that horrible admin, cutting my fruit up in cut ways so I could cheer myself up in the middle of the day. Whatever else fails, don't forget to be kind to yourself.

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